Pretending to Be Real: Rough Week

Hi Guys,

Sorry for posting so sporadically lately. I haven't been having the best week and I wasn't sure that writing about it would interest anyone/be worth my time but in the end I think it'll feel good to organize my thoughts on here... Hopefully it's not too scary? Ha! The week started off poorly as it is back to work after a week-long holiday. Always terrible in my opinion. I find it to be so crushing to go back to reality. So I started my week in a less-than-happy mood. I told myself to get over it and move on. But Monday was rough. My classes felt disorganized and I felt sort of down about myself professionally.

Professionally speaking, Tuesday was worse. I had a student actually tell me that he thought my class wasn't well-structured (do I hyphenate that?). He implied that he did not enjoy the class and I got the distinct impression that he does not have confidence in me as a teacher. This was a big blow to my confidence. You see I enjoy my job, but I was essentially thrown into the deep end in terms of figuring out this whole teaching thing. And to make matters worse I was given two intermediate level classes and my company does not have a set curriculum for this level. I don't understand it at all... we have fully designed curriculums for Basic levels 1 and 2, Pre-Intermediate, and Advanced but no Intermediate. The problem is I can plan a lesson but I've quickly learned that planning a class is much harder. Especially because I'm not totally sure about what I need to achieve with the students in these classes.

I decided at first to follow the book and then add in fun activities. I quickly realized that the book was far too easy for my students and I'd have to figure out a better way to teach them. I think my student was also annoyed that we've been reviewing so much material. He said "I knows this". Do you? Do you "knows" this? Well sir, I've been speaking this language my entire life and I don't even know babies that would say "I knows this". OK, so I'm being harsh, but it was frustrating to be criticized and told I was subpar. I think the worst part, however, is that to a large extent he's right. I'm not prepared for this job and and it's valid to say that the organization of the class is off in that I don't know how to design a full curriculum. I have no intention of continuing in this career path. My aim was to travel and see South America, but this internal battle (desire to succeed v. the fact that this isn't a career I intend to pursue) is killing me a bit. Today I've felt like throwing in the towel, but I also can't stand the idea of quitting. So lame... or as Chileans would say que fome.

So today I've spent my day attempting to design a curriculum but I seem to have come down with some sort of sickness. I don't know what I've got but my throat is killing me, my head is pounding, and that part of your neck that people who are always getting sick always touch and say "I'm sick, I feel my ______ getting larger" hurt. I've been going between freakishly hot and cold all day. At first I thought I was sore from going running (everyday for the last week! WOOP!) but then I realized said soreness has spread through my entire body. YIKES! So basically not only my brain but my body as well aren't functioning properly.

I really just don't want to go to work anymore and I'm a bit panicked about this whole lesson plan situation. I'm sure it will get better, but I'll have to put in some serious work. I'll keep you guys posted, I just hope my mood improves soon!

OK well, internet, I'm terribly sorry for the less-than-happy mood in this post and I hope your week has been better than mine. Enjoy your lives around the world, little readers.

XX
A

P.S. Lack of pictures=LAME. So here are some pics I took on Sunday when I was woken up by a religious procession of sorts in the park across the street.